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28. Don't Stop! Get Away!

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                             28. Don't Stop! Get Away!

"IT'S MADNESS! I've got to snap out of this! You have to free us before we're all completely brainwashed! ...But for now, why don't you gaze at the fish with me? You look tense. Come relax."

"Why, thank you Mario, for getting so many Power Stars! You're amazing. Yep, real amazing. But… why don't you stay with us for a while? You're looking tired…"

"Thank you Mario, but our princess is in another castle! Ha-ha, just kidding. But why not take a break? You don't want to risk your lives now do you…?"

Mario, well-known hero of the Mushroom Kingdom and completely awesome beater-upper of the dreadful Koopa King Bowser, uneasily crept about the castle as if expecting to be attacked at any moment. Who do you think was about to attack him, fighter of a thousand battles, you may well ask? After all, it wasn't as if the Bob-ombs were going to blast their way in and it wasn't as if the Whomps were going to smash their way in complaining about overdue bills since everyone knew that royals never paid on time and of course, they never had much money either. No, that wasn't the thing that worried Mario. In fact (clichéd as it was to say it), the castle was quiet… too quiet. The only beings here apart from Mario and the slightly creepy bunnies were the Toad themselves…

As Mario chomped down on a bunny he had set alight earlier (well the bloody thing just wouldn't give him the damn key! Didn't they know who he was for crying out loud!), he was increasingly aware that he was being followed by the Toads. It was one at first, waffling on about things he already knew such as, would you believe it?! Peach had been kidnapped by Bowser! Then, more of the Toads turned up, saying similar things but in… creepier ways. But where were the rest of them? For a massive castle, there sure weren't many of them. The remaining Toads looked creepily happy even though their monarch had indulged in the usual habit of letting herself be kidnapped before he even got a chance to taste some cake. That cake business was becoming a bloody curse in Mario's well-informed opinion.

"Mamma flipping mia," Mario groaned as the eyes of one of the Mushroomed Ones stared at him soullessly. "Why can't they just leave me alone? And why won't you get the hell out of here too?! You're putting me off my hero business!"

"But the fans demand that your many adventures must be recorded!" cried the camera-wielding Lakitu. "It's cool! It's exciting! It will make me lots of money when I sell the footage to the TV Executives and then I shall be rich! MWAHAHAHA! Er, I mean," he corrected himself far too late. "This will show what a super hero you are, Mario! It's almost like Big Brother in that you're completing missions instead of tasks. Except this is actually cool. Also, it requires intelligence. Also, I don't follow you to the bathroom. Also, it doesn't melt your brain to the point where you can't even make the decision to turn the TV off without consulting the brainless zombies on the box. And also-"

"I get the point," said Mario flatly. "Now if you will excuse me, I have some more Power Stars to collect so that I can save Peach. And this time, if I die, I do not want you to record it!"

"But people find death fun!" the Lakitu insisted. "You know, falling under platforms and getting stuck onto the lava, getting crushed by a log whilst sitting on lava and dying on the Killer Hill in Bob-omb Battlefield whilst ground-pounding between that crate and the hill. It makes such wonderful footage you know."

"Thank you for your consideration," Mario grumbled. "I'll be sure to remember that the next time I have a seriously excruciating Game Over." (May this make you thankful that you are not the hero suffering in unnecessary ways. And by the way, I have a note from Mario: if you are one of those people who laughed at seeing me die in exceedingly painful ways, well… DAMN YOU BASTARDS! I WILL SEND BOWSER OVER TO BRING YOU DOOM LIKE MUSTARD OF DOOM! Thank you for listening to this note.)

Mario's phone suddenly rang. He picked it up cutting off the admittedly awesome Super Mario World theme and heard a voice asking: "Hello? Is this Peach's Castle?"

"No, this is Mario," he said wearily before shutting it off. He then suddenly froze. "Hold on a moment: why would they ring me to ask if this is Peach's Castle? They would either ring Peach's Castle directly or they are already in the castle and ringing to see if I'm…" Mario and his camera Lakitu slowly turned around to find every Toad in the castle staring at them with glowing red eyes. One of them held a mobile in his hand which he then dropped and slowly crushed underneath his foot. He was still smiling.

"…Here," Mario finished. He stepped backwards as they began to slide towards him, no you read that right, they didn't walk; they slid towards him. They all carried signs for absolutely no goddamn reason other than to seem like a mob. It didn't help that the signs said things like 'TO READ THIS SIGN, PRESS B' or 'TO JUMP, PRESS A. CONGRAUTLATIONS, YOU HAVE MASTERED JUMPING.' The Lakitu floated upwards to get a good aerial shot of this freaky, corrupted, zombie-like crowd. And to think, he had mentioned something about brainless zombies too.

"Holy crap!" Mario yelled as they all began chasing him chanting such nonsense like "Obey Bowser, Destroy Mario!" even though that that didn't rhyme properly and therefore could not be classified as a proper slogan. "No wonder I've been dying all this time! This is a conspiracy! You've all been conspiring to kill me off for real since Bowser's too lazy to do it himself! Oh, gods: where's Luigi when I want him?" As a matter of fact for those who are wondering why Luigi wasn't around to save his ass, he was still having psychiatric treatment for having the lead role in Mario is Missing! Or he might have been signing an early contract for Luigi's Mansion, I can't remember which.

Mario was stood at the bottom of the stairs in the main hall wondering what the hell he was to do with a rabid bunch of Toads, with glowing red eyes, chasing after him with creepy signposts. The only way out of here, of course, was to pull off one of his signature jumps that he was most well-known for. Of course, if he had had a Bowseresque flamethrower on his person, then that might have worked well too but you couldn't have everything.

"HERE I GO!" Mario cried as he leapt backwards with his highly impressive long jump, so that he could keep an eye on the raving Toads. What he didn't expect was to suddenly be thrown violently backwards through a door, a long set of stairs and a couple of walls or two, causing him to scream all the way. Mario landed with a painful thump on the top floor, blinking as he realised that he hadn't taken any damage at all.

"Who knew that I could do that?" Mario questioned as he listened out for the Toads. Thankfully, the only thing he could hear was the ticking clock. He grinned. He was safe. He dramatically pointed to the door and yelled: "HA! And you thought that you were just going to take me and zombify me. Who's the number one player? That's right, me. Don't you forget it!"

"Oh, we won't forget it."

"See? I told you so. You can't forget me!" said Mario. Hold on a moment. He paused and slowly turned around. "Oh, sh**." They were waiting for him; waiting for him with a very wide grin. They advanced towards him.

Mario cursed again before he dashed through the final Bowser door. There it was, the Endless Stairs. How on earth was he supposed to get up that thing when he hadn't enough stars? It just kept sending him back to the bottom no matter how fast he ran. But of course, he had a special jump handy this time…

"And Mario wins once again!" he cried as he leapt out of the way of the Zombie Toads' grasp. He left the groaning and screaming sounds behind him and prepared to kick Bowser's ass once again since this was a lot easier to understand, not to mention a lot more fun.

"What the hell, Mario?" Bowser complained. "How did you get to my awesomely awesome final boss arena when you haven't even got enough stars to get past the Endless Stairs? I'm proud of that device you know."

"Shut up and prepare to be pulverised," said Mario before he tossed him into the waiting bombs. He wondered why villains always installed into their boss rooms the very things that would lead to their defeat. Obviously, they had not read the Evil Boss List; how foolish of them. Still, if Mario ever decided to become a villain, then he knew what mistakes not to make and Bowser would not be crying for just the loss of his evil villain status but that Mario would probably make a better villain than him. It was an interesting thing to consider.

"Well, that's the Princess saved once again," said Mario happily as he picked up the special Power Star and put on the Wing Cap. He never realised that the Lakitu had mysteriously gone mssing this entire time. "Damn, I'm too good at this. The only problem I must have faced is- OH MY GOD NOT YOU FRICKIN' GUYS!"


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"I hope Mario hurries up and beats Bowser soon," said Peach. "I'm getting sick of waiting in this room in my own damn castle."

"Maybe it would have been a good idea if you had a spare key to this attic room thingy," one of the Toads sighed. "Just a suggestion your loveliness," he added as Peach glared at him.

"Dude, it's like, totally boring having to wait here, when we could be out there, you know, fighting evil, rescuing our fellow Toad buddies and actually having a vital role to do other than to say hooray for Mario. Because something might have happened to our fellow Toads, dude."

"Oh shut up, other Toad," the first Toad muttered. He then noticed some sparkly lights. Peach gasped with delight. "Could it be?" they chorused. "It must be! Thank the stars! For obviously, it was the Power Stars that saved us. That was a pun you know," said the first Toad. The other Toad said nothing as the three of them materialised out of the attic and onto the bridge at the front of the castle.

"Thank you, Mario," Peach simpered, looking as if she had never been kidnapped at all but had been taking refreshment with her attendants in the attic instead. "Now how about we bake a- HOLY FREAKING GOODNESS!" she shrieked as Mario raised his eyes. They were glowing red. This was obviously a bad sign. He also had no health left. That wasn't good either.

"Game Over," said Mario before he launched himself as the screaming trio.
I'm officially weird. :iconmwahahaplz: A reviewer on fanfiction.net said that it reminded him of a creepypasta which is amusing since I have never actually read one.
You know, YouTube comments provide so much inspiration. The inspiration in question in question came from Super Mario 64 Corruption. Really quite bizarre.
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BabyAbbieStar's avatar
Wow....those Toads kinda creeped me out...but the scene with the Endless Stairs and the Lakitu were my favorites! :D